I have a problem. I am not sure about continuing my blog and Instagram.
But why is this a problem ?
My job/ studies
My studies and job have absolutely nothing to do with the blogger and instagram world. Maybe it’s not a problem worth talking about and maybe most of you wouldn’t agree with me but I am ashamed of my social media activities in front of my colleagues.
I study some technical engineering stuff and my job is also about that. There is no space for clothing or makeup and I feel nonserious when someone learns about my hobby. Then I always think that people don’t take me serious and that they doubt my knowledge and skills.
A few weeks ago one of my colleagues found my Instagram profile and… let’s say it this way… he was amused. Not so nice.
Family and friends
I also have inhibitions here. I am not that kind of person who talks in front of his phone camera on snapchat. It’s not that I don’t like people doing that. I often watch the snapchat stories of others. But my friends don’t know anything about “this world” and think that it is awkward and funny.
Most of the time I don’t tell people about my social media activities and my blog only gets new content once in a while. Basically I only post something when I am thinking “I don’t care what other people say”. The rest of the time I am insecure.
I don’t care what strangers think about me but I care about what people I know think of me. My family, friends or people, that know me and don’t like me, are what I am “afraid” of. When I was younger people bitched about me and in some way mobbed me. Now you might think, that this is a long time ago and that I should have grown up, become more self-confident and don’t care about it anymore but I don’t want to make a fool of myself.
Even the question “Could you take a picture of me?” is embarrassing. Even in front of my boyfriend or sister.
I really would love to share my day on snapchat with you, post my outfits or write more blog posts with more confidence.
Should I overcome those thoughts? Should I be more active in social media? Loose all my inhibitions?
Or should I leave it alone? Go to work, have talks with friends and don’t deal with some “unimportant” things like clothing and makeup ? Sounds boring right?
So why am I doing this?
My boyfriend often tells me I should do something with my “talent” or knowledge of fashion and beauty but I am always telling him that I am not good enough and that I could never do something professional with it.
But basically that’s why I started my blog. I wanted to create a balance between my nerdy techy life and my girly side. I like studying some technical stuff and every time I knew something nerdy I am proud of it. But I am also interested in girly stuff like clothing or makeup. That doesn’t mean that it is the only thing I am thinking about. If I want to talk about politics, literature, technic or personal love stuff I can talk to my friends and family. And I wanted to deal with my interest in fashion and beauty via social media.
I am not ready to delete my blog or Instagram. Until I know what I want I will just continue as before.
Short side fact: While I was writing this blog post my boyfriend came next to me and wanted to know what I am doing. I put my laptop away…
We will see. Maybe I will do those more personal posts more often. Maybe not. We will see <3
Please tell me your thoughts about it. Gladly as a personal message via snapchat, instagram or mail.